I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
