She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
