Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
