She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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