when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
