I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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