therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
