im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
