you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
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