I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
