I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
