It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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