I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
