just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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