My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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