my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
