been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
