i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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