It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
