miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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