hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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