So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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