my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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