Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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