I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
