is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
