It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
