I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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