I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
