you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
