I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
