Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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