It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
