I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
