sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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