Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
