Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
