you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
