dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
