we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
