So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
