Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You were trust falling into bushes
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
