Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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