I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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