Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
