it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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