she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
