I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
This baby is an asshole
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
