what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
