I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
