No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
