So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
