It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
