so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
