the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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