just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
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i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
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I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
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