I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
