He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
