She is in my trunk
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
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I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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