The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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