everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
