if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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