Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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