I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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