Umm I'm too high to move.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
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