Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Randomize
