i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
