So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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