I just threw up on my dentist
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
