Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit. http://tfl.nu/7g7j
  Replies (32) Good night (3991) Bad night (925)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come http://tfl.nu/9b59
  Replies (30) Good night (4107) Bad night (708)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick http://tfl.nu/wbrv
  Replies (38) Good night (5350) Bad night (1815)
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (514): The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you. http://tfl.nu/k985
  Replies (44) Good night (7693) Bad night (1101)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night http://tfl.nu/l16l
  Replies (7) Good night (1346) Bad night (2798)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom. http://tfl.nu/b4pt
  Replies (24) Good night (6639) Bad night (2023)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake. http://tfl.nu/07i4
  Replies (14) Good night (1694) Bad night (2558)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Whoa, you know how to pick em.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave. (216): Whoa, you know how to pick em. http://tfl.nu/b5eo
  Replies (4) Good night (1193) Bad night (903)
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night http://tfl.nu/la5y
  Replies (6) Good night (1438) Bad night (567)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes." http://tfl.nu/5alc
  Replies (31) Good night (3425) Bad night (1360)
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (778): Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25% http://tfl.nu/4mvy
  Replies (5) Good night (1114) Bad night (585)
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself..... http://tfl.nu/3gq0
  Replies (4) Good night (1273) Bad night (565)
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them http://tfl.nu/sm11
  Replies (10) Good night (1511) Bad night (678)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon. http://tfl.nu/apie
  Replies (7) Good night (550) Bad night (1007)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though. http://tfl.nu/j5bh
  Replies (2) Good night (225) Bad night (606)

Randomize