considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
