the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
