I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
