I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
