If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
