My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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