found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
