she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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