When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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