meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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