Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
